I love being on Sabbatical! Every day, I pinch myself, Is this real? Is this my life? Yes, it is my life! I am recovering from burnout!
At the beginning of my sabbatical, I vowed to create the life that I love by 40. In May, I celebrated my 40th birthday ( the entire month) by traveling to San Antonio, Dallas, Cancun, Tulum, Boston, Daytona Beach, and Miami. It was amazing to be able to spend time with my family and friends and be fully present. I enjoyed each moment to the fullest. . As I write this, my sabbatical has truly helped me create the life I love. In addition, It has given me time to reflect on my burnout.
In my first blog, I shared with you the challenges of my role as a nurse leader and how COVID took its toll. Prior to leaving my role, I was co-leading the hospital’s well-being initiative for Advanced Practice Nurses and Physician Assistants. Through my research, I learned that physical signs of burnout include lack of sleep, chronic fatigue, and headaches. Here I was promoting the idea of self-care, creating boundaries around work, and yet I was a walking commercial for what burnout looked like.
What does burnout feel like?
For instance, my typical morning would start with reading the bible, practicing gratitude, meditation, and riding my Peloton to increase my energy for the day. Often, a text, call, or email, would quickly interrupt the morning routine. Upon arrival at the office, I would greet everyone with my normal demeanor, smile, laugh, and check on others. Given COVID restrictions, most of my day would include sitting in an office on back-to-back virtual meetings, with short breaks to grab food or use the bathroom. Yes, it was exhausting!
Late hours at work allowed me to actually do the work and check on my team members. In talking with my mom on my 15-minute drive home, I would always yawn and she would say, “Geez, you need to rest.” I was mentally exhausted. I felt like I was acting. How, could I have so much energy for my colleagues and peers but so little for myself.
In addition, when I would arrive home, and sometimes have to sleep immediately due to a migraine. Like an alarm clock, I would awaken at 3 am thinking about what I forgot or the next crisis I would have to fix. The next day REPEAT! The Next Day Repeat! I rarely had the energy to participate in any fun social activities after work, because I always had to mentally prepare for the next day.
I am burned out!
A New York Times article in February 2022 highlighted,
When people are under stress, their bodies undergo changes that include making higher than normal levels of stress hormones such as cortisol, adrenaline, epinephrine and norepinephrine. These changes are helpful in the short term — they give us the energy to power through difficult situations — but over time, they start harming the body.
Moyer. Feb 15th, 2022. NYT.
This made sense! I was harming my body. In my mind, self-care is synonymous with massages, and getting your nails done (which is a component of it). However, caring for yourself mentally is just as important. Sitting in front of a computer screen all day is not healthy. Not hydrating enough is not healthy! Making your mind work non-stop for 8-9 hours straight is not healthy. Something had to change.
How do I fix burnout?
However, I think the first step in my journey was truly calling it for what it is. Burnout. And it was ok! I lived through a pandemic that affected the industry that I worked in and the WORLD! Nursing leadership of 35 advanced practice nurses and physician assistants was not easy. In addition, I was still processing the death of the patriarch and matriarch of our family. And if the physical signs of burnout were not enough, I realized I needed a break when I showed up to work with two different shoes on.
And yet, there was a part of me that was fighting it. I wanted to be like everyone else who seemed to be functioning fine. My colleagues and I would laugh on a daily basis about the stress, trying to normalize it. However, was it normal? Or did it have to be? The Nursing field is one of self-sacrifice, and there are moments with that sacrifice you sacrifice your emotions. As I witnessed a child passing away at the age of 23, and had to support the family through the moment, I could not cry. Or If I had to assist with the collection of a rape kit on a young child, I could not express the anger, I may have felt for the circumstances. It wasn’t part of what we did!
Are you burned out?
The first step is recognizing burnout. Ask yourself these questions:
- Do you enjoy the work you are doing?
- Are you always tired and or fatigued?
- Are you losing interest in your day-to-day work?
- Do find yourself with less patience? Reacting quickly or in a snappy manner?
- Are you experiencing physical ailments recently like headaches, insomnia, weight loss or weight gain?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, it may be time to re-evaluate.
Take some time to reflect on your nursing career (or your career in general).
What have you loved about it, and what do you wish you can change?
Then, start deciding what kind of life you want to live.
There are so many nursing jobs out there, the world is truly your oyster. Don’t wait until you dread walking into work. Act now!
Feel free to share your comments in the chat. Next, I will be sharing how to prepare for a sabbatical. Stay tuned!