“Mom, I’m supposed to be on this planning committee for the wellness committee and I just don’t feel like helping with decorations. It’s my one day off between shifts and I just need a moment to recalibrate.”
“Yeah, that’s fine,” she said. “But you’re still gonna go, right?”
“I actually don’t feel like going. I mean, I think I should go, but I don’t have the energy. I don’t feel like drinking. I don’t feel like socializing. It’s not even a dancing party — it’s just talking. And right now, I just… I need another day to recalibrate.”
“Well, don’t be a Grinch.”
I frowned.
Am I being a Grinch?
Shouldn’t I want to be there? Isn’t that what “holiday spirit” is supposed to look like?
But the truth is. I don’t want to go.
I went last year. It was fine. The people are great. But the vibe? Not where my spirit is sitting right now. And I don’t want to feel guilty for that.
Maybe you’ve been there too. The tug-of-war between what you’re “supposed” to do during the holidays and what your soul actually has the capacity for.
And no, it’s not depression (the Christmas tree is already up and glowing).
It’s simply this: This year, I want to be present in the places I want to be, not the places I feel obligated to be.
One of My Favorite Holidays Ever
I think about one of my favorite Christmases was in Trinidad.
We left cold Boston behind, excited to spend the holiday with family in warm weather. There was one small tree, nothing fancy, and honestly, I don’t even remember if we exchanged gifts.
My aunt cooked all morning, then didn’t feel well and rested. And in the afternoon, we sat together drinking ponche-de-creme (which goes by different names depending on your island), listening to parang music (Trinidad Christmas music), laughing, talking, just being.
No rushing. No performance. No perfect table scapes. No matching pajamas. Just presence.
It was magical! Not because of what we bought or what we did, but because of how we felt. And as my own family’s traditions have changed over the years, this is the memory I come back to: holiday joy doesn’t disappear when traditions evolve. Connection just finds a new shape.
Why the Holidays Feel Heavy (Even When Nothing Is “Wrong”)
I’ve been sitting with this question a lot lately: Why does this season feel heavier than I expected?
Not sad. Not depressing. Just… heavier.
The holidays arrive with a kind of quiet pressure. Long before Thanksgiving even shows up, we’re already being told what we should be doing. By September, stores are decorated. By October, the emails start. By November, everyone seems to be posting matching pajamas, perfectly lit trees, and family photos that look joyful, effortless, complete.
And even if you like the holidays—even if you genuinely enjoy them—there’s still this undercurrent of comparison and expectation that creeps in.
Did I buy gifts early enough?
Did I buy enough?
Am I doing this “right”?
Why does it feel like everyone else has more energy than I do?
For some of us, the heaviness comes from money. Things are expensive right now, and pretending otherwise doesn’t make it less true. For others, it’s exhaustion—carrying the weight of a long year, trying to summon excitement when your body just wants rest. And for some, it’s grief or change or disappointment, especially when the end of the year didn’t unfold the way you thought it would.
That’s been true for me.
A lot of what I imagined for the beginning of 2025 shifted. Plans changed. Timelines changed. Some things I was certain about softened or disappeared altogether. And when that happens, it’s hard to just flip a switch and jump straight into holiday joy like nothing touched you.
I think the holidays amplify whatever we’re already holding.
If you’re content, it glows brighter.
If you’re tired, it weighs more.
If you’re tender, everything feels closer to the surface.
And yet, there’s this unspoken rule that December is supposed to be loud and full and celebratory. That we should be everywhere, doing everything, saying yes automatically. And when your spirit doesn’t match that pace, it can make you wonder if something is wrong.
For me, the stillness I’ve been feeling isn’t emptiness. It feels more like tension softening. Like my body saying,
Enough rushing. Enough chasing the version of joy you think you’re supposed to want.
I don’t want to skip the holidays. I just want them to feel pure. Real. Gentle. And maybe that’s what this season is asking—not for more effort, but for honesty. Not for performance, but for presence.
So What Does Being Still Look Like For Me Right Now?
I will admit. Stillness isn’t glamorous. It isn’t a wellness aesthetic. It isn’t even literal silence sometimes. I am just not rushing.
Here’s what my version looks like:
My morning walks
I walk at whatever pace my body dictates for at least 30 minutes. No pressure. Sometimes, its silent, sometimes its talking, sometimes its planning for the day. No rushing.
My tea ritual
I love tea! And drinking hot tea in the morning is like heaven to me. One quiet moment to ground myself before the world starts demanding things.
Not going to every event
Just because I’m invited doesn’t mean I have capacity. Just because I don’t go, doesn’t mean I should feel guilty.
Texting instead of answering every call
Phone gives everyone access to you at all times and makes you feel like you should respond. I no longer subscribe to that theory. I don’t answer every call all the time. It’s not avoidance — it’s boundaries with kindness.
Journaling on my beach Wednesdays
Being near water is therapy for me. The beach is my sanctuary – where my spirit goes to be restored. I am so grateful that I live in an area where I can go to the beach in 30 minutes in the middle of December.
My Christmas tree
I decorated my tree the first week in December. Not for guests, not for Instagram.
I watched the Last Holiday and Home Alone movies while slowly putting the finishing touches and eating snacks. Something about watching the lights glow still does something beautiful inside me.
My recital
I have been learning to play the steel pan for over a year. And I love it! I diligently prepared for it and it was an amazing time and gave me all the holiday feels.
Looking forward to family time
Eleven us together for 7 days creating new memories. I can’t wait!
Stillness, to me, is choosing what feels rooted instead of rushed.
Finding What Feels Good This Holiday Season.
So here’s my message to you. If you’re feeling like this this holiday season, you’re not alone.
And I completely get it.
What I’m reminding myself is that the holiday season isn’t just about spending money, attending every party, or buying all the gifts. It’s really about finding the things that light you up on the inside — the things that actually make you feel good in your body and spirit.
So if that means spending time with family, do that.
If it means spending time with friends, do that.
If it means skipping parties, staying home, decorating your space, or doing something small and meaningful just for yourself — do that too.
You don’t have to do everything you’ve always done just because it’s tradition.
You don’t have to show up everywhere.
You don’t have to perform joy.
Find ways to create your own holiday feeling — one that feels true to you, right now. That’s it. That’s the invitation.
Take care, Take Breaks.
Amy
